Sjoerd Blom

Sometimes it feels like you are doing everything you are supposed to do, and yet nothing happens. You write, you send, you wait, and you get… silence. No rejection, no invitation, just nothing. As if you are talking to a wall that cannot even be bothered to echo back.

In earlier posts, such as Three Temporary Contracts and Then Nothing, Applying for jobs: between visibility and silence and Between movement and stillness, I already wrote about that phase. About searching, trying to be visible, and above all about the lack of responses. At some point, that silence becomes deafening.

There was a time when everything just worked. My email was on Gmail, I searched with Google, and used Google Maps for navigation. It was fast, free and above all: easy. I did not have to think about it.

Until I suddenly did.

What started as a small, almost innocent choice, trying a different search engine, slowly grew into something bigger. I have been using DuckDuckGo as an alternative to Google for years now. At first it felt like a compromise, as if I was giving something up. But honestly, that turned out to be fine. It worked well. More than that, it felt calmer. Less noise, less of a sense that things were happening in the background.

There are moments when reality doesn’t arrive in a grand, dramatic way, but instead quietly sits down next to you. No drumroll, no plot twist, just a simple conclusion: my contract will not be renewed. I’ve known this for a few weeks now. Enough time not to dwell on that conclusion, but to start moving. Because in the end, that’s the only thing that really helps. Standing still is comfortable, but rarely productive. So I started building. On visibility, on substance, and on new opportunities.

The first time I stood in the middle of a busy dinner service, I had an unexpected thought: this feels suspiciously like an IT project.

Orders streaming in. People giving each other short updates. Everyone knowing exactly what their role is. And an end result that only works when everything lines up perfectly.

The only difference is that this time it isn’t about software, but about plates that need to reach the table at exactly the right moment.

Since I received the news that my contract will not be renewed, I’ve noticed my nights have become more restless. During the day I can usually keep my thoughts organised, but at night they tend to return. Questions about what comes next, where things might lead.

Earlier, on March 2, I wrote that my third temporary contract will be coming to an end and will not be extended. Since then people have occasionally asked how I’m doing now. So here is a small, honest update.